Many successful people are perfectionists. At the same time, they have the ability to say “Done is Better Than Perfect” and just complete and wrap up a project. What is the best way to overcome the stalling and procrastination that perfectionism causes? How does one overcome the fear of potential critique or the fear of not being successful? In this interview series, called “How To Get Past Your Perfectionism And ‘Just Do It’, we are interviewing successful leaders who can share stories and lessons from their experience about “how to overcome the hesitation caused by perfectionism. As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Kiersten Blest.

Kiersten Blest is co-founder of The Unsinkable Life. She has had a long-standing career in corporate America. She spends her time away from the office with her son and working with men and women to help them elevate their confidence, dissolve self-doubt, and accelerate their personal and professional results.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we start, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?

I grew up as an only child in a small suburb in Massachusetts. It was a sleepy town where most people knew most people. My parents sent me to a small private school where I spent thirteen years struggling to fit in while my teachers struggled to understand why I was an “unhappy child.”

Back then, and this was more than forty years ago, we didn’t talk about things like physical or sexual abuse, and I don’t think emotional trauma was on anyone’s radar, at least not the same way it is today. But as a child, I experienced them all. My home was supposed to be my safe place from school, and school was supposed to be my safe place from home, but the truth is that I rarely felt safe.

I struggled with confidence and self-worth for a lot of my life. I became a people pleaser and settled for things that didn’t make me happy and weren’t good for me because I thought I couldn’t do any better. I set very high goals for myself but often made safe choices. I had a lot of fear, especially fear of rejection. I coped with my past by stuffing all my emotions down, leading to anxiety, panic attacks, and agoraphobia in my 20s. Most people didn’t see these struggles because I became good at hiding them while building an incredibly successful career. But when my son was born, I realized I couldn’t raise him to be happy, confident, and brave when, deep down, I wasn’t yet those things myself. So, my personal journey began. It inspired me to pursue a new direction in my life so I could help other people overcome similar struggles. And that’s how I got to where I am today.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

“Whatever you’re not changing, you’re choosing.”

When I first heard this quote, it got under my skin because I related it to things I experienced as a child and the difficult experiences many others face and don’t ask for. But, over time, it opened my eyes to the reality that, even when we don’t choose our experiences, we can choose how we respond, even when terrible, unimaginable things happen. Now, we may not like the choices or be afraid of them. And, sometimes, there are genuine reasons why people stay in situations that aren’t healthy for them. But when you realize that there is always a choice, even if it is the choice of inaction, you begin to reclaim your power from whatever has harmed or hurt you in the past.

Is there a particular book, podcast, or film that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?

I relate to many movies and miniseries, but Dead Poets Society remains a favorite. The movie centers on a group of boys attending Welton Academy, a school baked in long-standing traditions. The culture is disrupted by the arrival of Mr. Keating, a highly unorthodox English teacher portrayed by Robin Williams. He wastes no time infusing fresh air into the institution through his passion for teaching, poetry, and genuine affection for his students.

Each boy struggles with the pressures of meeting the high expectations of the academy and their parents while simultaneously dealing with their own internal struggles around confidence, self-worth, and finding their own voice. Mr. Keating, while helping the boys decondition from the Welton Ways and develop their updated internal system of values, ultimately provides a level of nurturing for the boys that their parents couldn’t provide.

In addition to relatable characters and some moments of humor, the movie is packed with worthy life lessons. The boys are taught the importance of Carpe Diem (seize the day) as they simultaneously learn how to move away from blind obedience and begin to think for themselves. They discover the value of nurturing their innate talents and pursuing their passions to create a fulfilling life. One of the most notable lessons is revealed through a scene in a small outdoor courtyard, which was one of my favorites; a lesson is learned about conformity and how difficult it is to maintain our individuality in the face of others.

You are a successful business leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?

Be authentic. This sounds like a buzzword these days, but it’s at the foundation of success. The day I decided to show up as myself, to stop worrying about what other people thought, to stop thinking about how I was supposed to look and sound, and to stop feeling embarrassed to admit I didn’t have an answer or didn’t know something, I became free. Something transformative happens when you toss away personas. People know when you’re faking it, and they know when you’re not. When you’re real, you gain respect. Once you have respect, you can build trust. Once you have trust, you can create meaningful and valued relationships.

Be adaptable — Most people don’t like change and prefer some degree of certainty. For a long time, I was one of those people. But the reality is that things constantly change, so you have to know how to pivot. Our natural reaction is often to resist change or to become overly worried. There is something so reassuring about staying in our comfort zone, right? But resistance to change holds people back, and worry does nothing good for our minds or body. Learning to embrace change and adapting with grace will set you apart while creating inner peace instead of turmoil.

My best advice is, don’t get stuck in old ways of thinking or get left behind due to resistance to change.

Be willing to see things from different perspectives — Don’t live with fixed opinions and beliefs, no matter how long you’ve had them; no one has all the answers. I lost opportunities because of it. It ties back to the idea of being open-minded as opposed to rigid. If you can embrace different perspectives and allow yourself to grow from them, you find solutions you may otherwise not see. You can enhance your problem-solving skills because we don’t inherently have all the answers within us. There is something you can learn from everyone you meet. If you have a fixed mindset, you aren’t going to go places.

Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion. Let’s begin with a definition of terms so that each of us and our readers are on the same page. What exactly is a perfectionist? Can you explain?

Perfectionism is confusing because It can manifest in so many different ways. Some people see it as a strength, while others see it as a challenge. The American Psychological Association defines it very well. “The tendency to demand of others or oneself an extremely high or even flawless level of performance in excess of what is required.” To a perfectionist, anything less than flawless is unacceptable, and perfectionists will likely experience high levels of distress when their expectations aren’t met.

The premise of this interview series is making the assumption that being a perfectionist is not a positive thing. But presumably, seeking perfection can’t be entirely bad. What are the positive aspects of being a perfectionist? Can you give a story or example to explain what you mean?

The most positive aspect is the desire to do well.

Many people associate perfectionism with having high standards and working hard to achieve them, so let’s start there because these are essential, powerful motivations and behaviors that many successful people share. When our motivation is inspired by self-improvement and internally driven, it’s healthy and productive; it allows us to focus on excellence instead of flawlessness and drives us to achieve our personal best. These standards create room, space, and acceptance for mistakes. Mistakes are essential because they’re the natural pathway to learning and growth. And when we grow, we become more prepared to take on bigger opportunities.

If the idea of making mistakes doesn’t sit well or creates anxiety, it’s a sign that perfectionism may be less about achieving your goals and more connected to your self-esteem. Ask yourself how you feel when things don’t go perfectly. Can you dust it off and bounce back quickly, or do you feel deflated? Is your inner voice applauding you for doing your best or criticizing your performance? It is outward-focused if you find that perfectionism is connected to any motivation beyond your desire for growth and development. In these cases, if you want to make permanent changes and overcome perfectionism, I recommend working with someone who has demonstrated experience and the right toolset to guide you through the proper steps.

What are the negative aspects of being a perfectionist? Can you give a story or example to explain what you mean?

In the positive, I talk about the desire to do well; the negative is where that desire comes from.

There are some challenges, like the excessive time you spend trying to make something “perfect,” which you must take from another part of your life. I’ve seen it hurt people in their relationships, careers, finances, and, most obviously, their health. They can become so bogged down with what isn’t getting done perfectly that they miss out on time with friends, partners, and with their kids. There can be a strong need to control other people to ensure things get done right, which puts enormous emotional strain and pressure on relationships. Perfectionists tend to be less successful in their careers because they take fewer risks and generally produce work at a slower pace.

But one negative aspect that is less obvious is the effect of perfectionist expectations on children who begin absorbing like a sponge and creating an identity based on what they see and hear every minute of every day, well before they learn how to speak. This is why so many of us grow up in some way modeling one or both of our parents. If we want to help children avoid the perfectionist trap later, we must help them when they are young. The reach of perfectionism extends beyond us and impacts all our relationships.

From your experience or perspective, what are some of the common reasons that cause a perfectionist to “get stuck” and not move forward? Can you explain?

The most common reason I’ve seen is fear, especially a fear of failure. Perfectionists place so much emphasis on results that when their results aren’t perfect, they feel like they’ve failed. The fear of failure makes it difficult for them to get started or finish projects when things aren’t going how they desire. The irony is that perfectionism is a self-protective mechanism that keeps failure far away but also leads to self-defeating thoughts and behaviors.

Here is the central question of our discussion. What are the five things a perfectionist needs to know to get past their perfectionism and “just do it?” Please share a story or example for each.

Chunk it down — Perfectionists can get overwhelmed, so taking things one step at a time is important. Like planning a big event, you can’t see the trees when you stare at the entire forest. The key is to take all that stuff that needs to get done, get it out of your head where it creates enormous mental pressure, and break it down into manageable steps that get you moving and hold you accountable. If you’re overloaded because you have to clean your entire house, take a piece of paper, and write down each room on a separate line, prioritizing them in order of importance. Clean the first room on the list completely before you begin the second; clean the second entirely before you begin the third, and so on, and assign each room a number. You can use this process for virtually anything. Begin by writing down each step, prioritizing, and completing them in order.

Setting time limits -. Work will take as long as the time we give ourselves to complete it. This technique is highly effective when something is entirely within your control. Write down your time limit. It enhances accountability.

Another example could be when writing a proposal or crafting a new sales letter, give yourself a time limit and write it down. Look at it, memorize it, and then create a picture of it in your mind. This creates internal communication and a sense of urgency that will push you forward while helping you stay focused while minimizing revisions and edits. It creates an internal sense of urgency. It will help you stay focused and minimize edits and revisions.

Do something imperfectly, on purpose — This is one of the most fun and effective methods, especially if you have kids. Bring out that inner child who is proud to create something — having fun in the process instead of being so focused on results. Finger paint, make something in the kitchen, or color like you are three years old; whatever you make won’t be perfect, but you will create a magical experience and potentially rediscover your joy. There are a lot of other ideas on this, including things like showing up late for appointments and sending out emails with intentional errors. I don’t recommend following any strategy that disrespects someone else’s time or lessens the quality of your work. However, doing something imperfectly is an undeniably effective way of beginning to change patterns. So, if you regularly spell and grammar check, try ending a few emails without doing so. If your home has to be immaculate and everything just so, pick one little thing around the house and change it up. Roll out of bed, run to the gas station to get gas, and turn the toilet paper around; what it is doesn’t matter. Do one thing that is out of your usual pattern; it shouldn’t be big and shouldn’t cause you stress.

Pay attention to your environment — Don’t compare yourself to what other people are doing. When we look at other people, we want to validate whether our actions and results are good enough. There are abundant opportunities to compare ourselves to others, and it’s one of the primary sources of pain for perfectionists. Comparison can make you think you’re not good enough, haven’t achieved enough, or that something else in your life isn’t working — all of which will trigger harmful emotions. It doesn’t matter what other people are doing if you’re working from a model of striving for excellence and achieving your own personal best,

Reframe it — There is no failure, only feedback. There is a famous story and quote about Thomas Edison and how many times he failed at inventing the lightbulb. There are different versions, but I’ll share the one I’m most familiar with: “I have not failed 700 times. I have succeeded in proving that those 700 ways will not work.” The lesson is to pay attention to your results, learn from them, and grow. When we stop growing, we stop creating more opportunities for ourselves.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be?

Reach children and educate them about how patterns and habits develop. Let’s give educators, parents, and other influencers all the resources they need to help children continue to learn that confidence comes from within. Help them see that their grades or other external factors don’t determine their worth. Children are unique and worthy just because of who they are. Let’s help them become comfortable making mistakes, teach them to reframe, and strive to acknowledge and reward progress over results.

Is there a person in the world whom you would love to have lunch with, and why? Maybe we can tag them and see what happens!

Damian Lewis, because I fell in love with his performance in Band of Brothers and the character he portrayed. I learned so much about effective leadership and grace under pressure.

How can our readers follow you online?

Visit www.theunsinkablelife.com

@theunsinkablelife on Instagram

Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!